Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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