awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
