In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
