Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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