So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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