I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
