i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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