I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
