She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
