Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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