hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
