im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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