I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
