I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
