I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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