You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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