tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
