Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think people are normalizing furries
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
