you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
