Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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