I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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