I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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