I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
