So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
