I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
420 ftw
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
