We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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