so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
