I want to stick my p in your. b.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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