Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
