I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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