Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
