She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize