I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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