Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
