he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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