Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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