Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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