How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
