you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
