Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
