Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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