We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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