I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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