You're my little dorito
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
