i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
