Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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