please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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