i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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