Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They have beer where we have blood.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
