CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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