I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
