Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
