he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
