Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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