He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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