I puked a lego.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
