So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
