what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
