my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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