Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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