Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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