i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
