you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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