I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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