Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
someone owes me an orgasm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
