none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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