The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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