So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
