we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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