i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
