you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
