he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
