I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize