I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
