Don't make out with my wife yet
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
